A crisis of confidence
“I don’t think it’s the heat”
These words hit me like a kick to the gut and I immediately, and surprisingly, teared up. My husband was talking about the excuse I gave for not wanting to go for a motorcycle ride the day before. It is true that I’ve been struggling with the heat this year due to perimenopause and also…it wasn’t really about the heat.
I stared at him. Tears in my eyes and realized…
I’m having a crisis of confidence.
I could see it like a cloud around me, coloring everything I do. It wasn’t just about motorcycling, it was about everything.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been feeling this way, for a few months, at least. Oof. Recognizing this about myself didn’t feel good. I have a friend who often says that the person she knows me to be sets her mind on something and makes it happen. I haven’t been feeling like that person lately.
I’ve been down in the dumps. A place that I don’t hang out in very often…because my friend is right, typically I set my mind to something and go get it…so much so that I sometimes teeter on the edge of burnout and have to remind myself to slow down, rest back into the flow.
From my low place, drowning in my crisis of confidence, it was hard to even see how to shift anything, what needed shifting, how to shake things up and right things.
So I got on my motorcycle and rode to a parking lot with my husband and some cones to practice low-speed motorcycle handling techniques.
“when we lose our confidence we can recover it by doing small things that boost us and help us feel alive again.”
You see, riding a motorcycle consists of lots of skills that get rusty if you don’t practice them. And these are the skills you need to use automatically to prevent accidents, to keep yourself as safe as possible.
These skills are a foundation. Small steps that feed into the whole. Small things that build confidence.
Once I got rolling, riding in circles, zigging and zagging through cones, my confidence increased. I felt more myself. I began to find my way out of the dark.
I ended our morning feeling pumped, feeling alive. Feeling my authenticity and creativity sparked.
This is a reminder, for me, and you, that sometimes when we lose our confidence we can recover it by doing small things that boost us and help us feel alive again. Like riding in circles!!
What small things can you do to boost your confidence today?
With love and care,
Emy
