I Was The Cold Soup
From not good enough to Always Worthy
Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you tried you just couldn’t get things right? You just didn't feel good enough?
My dad was visiting for the holidays for about 2 weeks. When he’s here we go out to dinner most nights. Every night there is something (most things!) wrong with the dinner: the bread isn’t warm, the soup isn’t hot enough, they don’t give you enough lamb chops, the coffee is in the wrong mug…you get the idea. This trip I was sort of watching it all in observer mode, a little distant from my embarrassment about the whole thing, and I realized holy shit…I have been that cold soup in his eyes my entire life!!!
For the entirety of my life I never could get it right for him. I was never good enough, no matter how hard I tried, how well I did, what I accomplished. It just wasn’t enough for him.
Growing up, this constant criticism became an internalized message of “I am not enough. I am not worthy of love.”
And that internalized not enough message informed much of how I showed up in the world for so many years. And was reinforced by the culture around me.
I over-efforted (leading to burn out).
I did things that weren’t true to me so that I could prove I was enough.
I chased love because that is all I knew how to do.
I chased love because that is all I knew how to do.
Though I had worked on this for years in therapy I just couldn’t get to the bottom of it. I just wasn’t able to truly transform this not enoughness into the bigness of who I really am, into acceptance of my enoughness.
Until I did…with my own Soul Weaving journey.
During a series of deep transformational journeys deep into my soul’s tapestry I could finally release this thread of not enough and finally feel, and know, that I am enough just as I am. That I don’t need to chase love, that love starts and ends within my own self.
I have never been cold soup.
I have always been the flaming sun but unable to fully see it, love it, or accept it in myself. Unable to let it fully shine.
How about you? Are you feeling called to embrace your full shine? Book a discovery call here and let’s get started.
You aren’t the cold soup either. You are the sun! Happy shining!!!
If you’re ready to get started, book a Soul Ignition Call. Let’s talk.
Meeting you from my own unapologetic authenticity,
Emy
